I only wish I were an alcoholic

The definition of struggle is:
To contend with an adversary or opposing force. To cope with the inability to win, and contend with difficulty.

“You have to deal with homosexual attractions like you would alcoholism, it’s like an addiction.”

I always get irritated with that statement. There is no comparison between the two. It is very frustrating to me when people compare my feelings and emotions to a beverage.

What people fail to understand or refuse to understand, is that homosexuality is no different then heterosexuality. Both involve an attraction, that’s it. The attraction to whom is the difference.

People also claim that homosexuality is a choice. A choice for what? Do heterosexual people choose who they are attracted to? Of course not, that just sounds ridiculous. So why would that be any different to me?

I feel that struggling with homosexual attractions is one of the most difficult, if not impossible, struggles to overcome. I can almost hear the laugh’s and see the eye’s roll over that statement. But let me explain why I say this.

You have to understand what it feels like for a Christian who struggles with homosexuality, and you have to understand what that means for us.

Many Christians believe that homosexuality can and must be changed, that with the power of prayer, they can become heterosexual. Do you realize the expectation that is laid at our feet? Just imagine if you were told that you must change your heterosexual attractions and, with the power of prayer, become attracted to your own sex. Sounds impossible doesn’t it? Why? Because your attraction is not a choice. But let’s not stop there, I need you to not talk about this to others, because they find you disgusting…and don’t call me when you are struggling, I don’t have an answer for you, besides, the subject makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe you should go see a counselor.

And so, you are left to struggle all alone. Eventually, you fade into the crowd, and away from the Church. Ah, problem resolved for the Church. You are losing your battle, you fall, and eventually you surrender to your enemy. The fight is over. The Church snubs their nose at you and casts their stones. You were never truly saved, a real Christian would have fought to the finish and would be an overcomer! Just like the Bible says, “a dog returns to his own vomit.” Shame on you!

You know you believe in God, but you begin to doubt His love for you. You prayed for Him to change you. But He didn’t. You prayed for a good Christian to come in to your life to help you through this, to help you find answers to the tough questions. Someone you can open up to about what is really going on inside. But there is no one. You feel all alone, because you are. You feel worthless, because their actions say you are.

You start to look deep within yourself for the answers that no one can give you. You start getting more depressed when you realize not only must you go through this without your Christian brothers and sisters, you have to deny yourself of many things.

You realize that the feelings of intimacy, the desire to love and be loved, and companionship are denied to you. The things we are all, by nature, born with must be pushed aside. Forever. Unless your attractions change. You are doomed to a life of loneliness. You get to watch everyone around you with their partners, creating a life together, full of memories. Oh, what a joy that must be. But wait, you can’t have that, if you want to go to Heaven.

So you step out into the world. Still keeping quiet about your struggle. Hopefully no one finds out at work, you may lose your job, just because of who you are attracted to. Great, no friends, no love, no church, and now, no job. You can go in the military, but “don’t tell” or you will get kicked out. It doesn’t matter that you loved your Country enough to fight for the freedom of those who didn’t feel the need to. It doesn’t matter that you were willing to give your life for all the people that wanted you to keep your mouth shut and struggle in your own silence. Your family may reject you. Someone might even kill you just for being you, like they did to Matthew Shepard.

But, eventually, you will come to your senses and realize, that being gay is just a choice, like alcoholism.

I only wish I were an alcoholic.